Brother Dearest (JAK)

6 years since i've seen you
you left us in the worst way
no phone calls. no visits.
is it really too much to ask?

dad has given up on you
but i haven't.
i know you have potential
you tried so hard for us kids
and we worked hard for you
but you let us down.

but i've always kept some hope
whether its deserved or not
i'm hoping some part of you
still cares about us - even a little
i wish you would come back
or keep in contact at the least


i miss you.

Ages Since Writing

So I don't really have anything in particular to write, but its been a while... so I figure its about due time. I don't exactly remember what I last wrote about though, so if I repeat anything bear with me. :)

Well I've been working quite a bit lately, not exactly as much as I would like, but free time is nice too... just not earning me any money. Haha. Apparently I just got a new manager... again. When I was first hired I got hired by Yvette. Then my first day she had been transfered and Eddie was my manager. Now today I found out we have a NEW manger! Eddie was transfered! He was pretty awesome too - so I'm nervous for tomorrow to meet her and all. I'm hoping shes nice.

Anyways, since school got out I've been doing quite a bit (besides working that is). I took a trip to the grand canyon and hiked partway down and back out, I've hung out with my cousins - finally -, went to a yearbook convention in scottsdale, designed some spreads, and even managed to get grounded.

I'm loving having my laptop that I got for my birthday (which I probably haven't mentioned). I've realized that I also love Taylor Swift, her lyrics are amazing. Also, my best friend Kristen starts working with me at Fry's on Tuesday and I couldn't be more excited. I'll also be leaving for Utah on the 27th for about ten days! I'm so excited! :) Oh and I got a new phone - the Versa. I absolutely love it; couldn't be more happy with it.

So overall things are pretty great. They could be better... I'm not too happy with some people. For example, someone finally moved to town and they've manager to talk to me about 3 times... each time I had to talk to them first. Its downright ridiculous, but hopefully I'll forget about it soon.

Spring Break With Shayyy

So for Spring Break, the beginning of it anyways, Shalai stayed with our family. She came on Sunday after I got off work (8 and a half hour shift... 6am to 2:30 after I had just closed at midnight the night before) and she stayed til Wednesday afternoon.

So regretably we didn't take any pictures on Sunday, but we didn't look too swell, so you can't blame us. But we didn't do too much anyways... just made cookies, slept (I did, I was exhausted), watched movies and tv, and talked to the boys... But Monday we woke up at about 10:30.. 11ish and got ready, then went to Olive Garden!! :) It was totally amazing. And I wore one of Shay/Mikalies really cute shirts cause I'm not a huge fan of any of mine.

Then from there we walked to the mall. Since its just across the lot and all.. Haha, so we just looked around and I bought this really cute shirt at Forever 21 (I need to shop there more) and I wanted jeans, but I kept myself from doing so. I'm addicted.. Haha but we did try on prom dresses and this is the one I liked. It was so cute! :) Well the picture isn't, but the dress was. :) Then later we went to see Race to Witch Mountain with my family and I loved it! It was so good!



Anyways, then on Tuesday we rode the light rail (Shay hasn't been on it) and went to downtown Phoenix and went to this amazing pizza place with HUGEEE pizzas and AMAZING brownies :) We had alot of fun there.

Then Emma's feet hurt so we put her on Shalai's shoulders and took a detour before we got back on the light rail. I didn't like any of me and Shay that we took, although Shay looked super cute... but here is one of Emma and mom looking at the newspapers Emma just HAD to have. Haha.

Well anyways, later that day we got back and hung out with my best friend Kristen (she got her license!) and just hung out and stuff. Then on Wednesday we went to Superstition Mall and watched Inkheart which was surprisingly very good, then ate, then Shay went home with her mom and sister (who went to the movie with us too) and it was sad. Then I worked.. Haha, but I had a great week! I just hope it stays this great.. but I'm not sure; all my friends are out of town now. But we'll see! I have high hopes. :)

Unsure

Well, as you know, I haven't been in the best of moods lately...

So I went to work today in that same mood. And as I was collecting carts I passed a lady and she looked at me and said, "You don't see beautiful girls like that anymore." And smiled and me and did the whole 'curves' thing. She probably has no idea how much that meant to me. It totally brightened my mood and helped me come to a few realizations that aren't easy to come to without a little push.

Of course I'm still not super happy as I have been this past month, but I'm starting to get past everything that happened. Yes, I wish it wasn't ending, but thats life. And knowing what I know its probably a good thing actually.

Anyways my cousin Amaree and her children Kade and Charlie are visiting this week from Montana. I'm so super excited; I've missed them so much!

And tomorrow is my choir concert, and I'm very excited for that too. I'm gonna have to call in at work, which isn't good considering I'm so new. But there really is nothing I can do about it.

Then I have Tuesday off and Friday off. And I think I'm going to be babysitting Kade and Charlie on Friday so Amaree can go to the temple.

Oh, and I finally finished my letter to my big brother, John Alan. I'm not sure if he'll get it, but I sure hope he does. I need him more than anything right now and I miss him sooooo much. I just wish he knew, hence the point of my letter.

Well, I have school tomorrow. It seems so weird to have school, working made the weekend last so long. Hopefully I have no homework; cause if I do I didn't do it. :)

Not Happy

Today just wasn't my day. It was probably the worst day I've ever had in at least a month... at least. Probably longer. Bad days just ain't my thing.

Anyways I don't want to go into details, but its a good thing I work alot this upcoming week and this weekend cause I need to keep occupied or I'll just get more upset and/or mad.

<3

My Current Infatuations:

Joel from "This Century"

I basically want him. :)

Kris Allen from "American Idol"

He may be married, but secretly he wants me.

I just know he'll leave her for me. Haha.

and Jared Followill from Kings of Leon. <3

Job.. Finally

Its really early right now. Like 7:15 in the morning. But I really have nothing better to do.

Anyways, the reason I am up so early is because I have training for my new job at Fry's at 8:00 and I can't be late. So I'm ready early, which kind of sucks. But its better than being late because I would be locked out and no job for Natalie...

Well this weekend has been super busy, but its been a lot of fun. On Friday after school I went over to Becah's and we had a lot of fun. We hung out with Sean and Brian at one point, that was fun. And Saturday morning we went to a "mini-conference" for her stake. I got to see Alannah and I haven't seen her in ages. It was great.

Then after I got home from Becah's my mom took me to buy a new shirt and pants for my job. I don't like the pants though, I didn't realize they were mid-rise... I'm gonna switch them for low rise. But then after that we went to my grandparents in Queen Creek to see my Uncle Eric, Aunt Danielle, and their new baby Samuel Hauk. He is soooo adorable. I'm glad I got to meet him before he grew up and wasn't a baby anymore. I'm so glad they came down.

I would post a picture of Sam, but my camera died when we got there and I didn't take my camera charger... I was so mad. Ken took pictures on his phone, but he doesn't have texting and therefore can't send any. But soon...

Anyways now I have training today and homework. So to sum up my life at the moment; Amazing. :)

Hoorayy!

Today is Kristen's 17th Birthday!!!!! I called her this morning at 7 am and told her Happy Birthday. I wish I could see her today, but I can't. Haha I was gonna try to take her out to lunch today at her favorite restaurant, but the school won't allow me. :(

Anyways I'm going to take her out on Saturday and we're gonna do some other awesome stuff of course. But anways, I just wanted to post this to say...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRIS!! HOPE ITS AWESOME!!

Tribute

So today Kristen and I hung out. We got some delicious pizza and turned on some music and danced around... we probably looked rediculous. Haha and she made me drive halfway to Walgreens and then I ordered "Disturbia" from the Red Box and we got some candy.

Anyways, after we did all the fun stuff we decided we should make a blog, but it wasn't working. But we looked up a whole bunch of pictures of me and her together over the years. We've been best friends for almost 8 years now.

Sadly, I only have pictures from 7th grade til now, but still here are a few of them....

Me and Kristen in 7th grade; drinking our 'Diet Water'. We thought we were so clever.

Us at our first public school football game. Neither of us went to Carson, but it was still fun. :)

Us at the mall, she's wearing my hat that I loved... for who knows what reason.

At Heritage, 8th grade I think. Who knows why shes cracking up, she always is though.

When she invited me to a Coyotes game. It was the coolest thing ever. We had a blast, Billy Ray Cyrus was there. Haha.

One of our dance concerts where we all danced different types of dances from different time periods.

I have no idea where we were going, but I think it was Caitlyn's birthday. Good times.

I think we were at the mall again.. we used to love it there.

ASU Football Game, 9th grade. I hate this picture, but she loves it.

A more recent picture, we decided to walk to Riverview like that. Haha :)

We can't hold a straight face, but it looks funny. Haha.

Even more recent, but we definately need a new one. Its not recent enough. :)

Well, thats about it. Just though I'd make a "tribute to our friendship" and the many years to come. Its fun to look through all these and how much we've changed over the years and how much more we'll still change. I wish I could put up the one of us in 5th grade and I'll try to do that if I can get it scanned in to a computer sometime. We look so silly and little. Its great.

(Not sure why the beginning part is underlined, sorry bout that.)

Just A Short Update

Well today I'm sitting at home and doing a little house work instead of going to first and second hour because we are doing some dumb evacuation drill in second hour and my mom thinks its pointless to go, which is fine by me. Haha but I do have to go back in about ten minutes. I just thought I would write a few things down first.

We now have a new president, which is cool. I got to watch the beginning and when he was sworn in. I was kind of upset that my teacher in the next hour didn't let us watch him speak, I was sure she would. But I'll just have to find time to watch it online. Ken got to actually be there, which is cool. It was pretty boring and long for him though. Haha.

Anyways I don't really have much else to say and I should probably leave now. But I just wanted to put up this amazing picture of me and one of my best friends Brittany on New Years Eve. :)

College

I know I'm only a junior, so I don't reeeally need to be concerned quite yet, but I just want college to be perfect and not regret what school I go to or what I major in. So I'm trying to at least kind of decide that right now.
Me and my friend Becca recently got out pSAT scores back, I definitely did better than I did last year. So we looked it up online, and I can send my scores to four schools for free. Oh, and I'm going to take the SAT early, just in case, in March. I'll be signing up for that in February. I'm pretty excited because I looked at the average SAT scores of people that go to the colleges I want to apply to and I think I'll do better, cause I did better on my pSAT's... so I hope I do even better.
I was looking through my papers and pamphlets from OP-Shop and my Career Exploration Class and since I can send my SAT scores, and I think ACT scores too, to four schools without charge.. I decided I will probably (unless my mind changes during senior year or the end of this year) apply to Northern Arizona University, Arizona State University, Mesa Community College (just in case), and Purdue University in Indiana (a school I really like thats not in AZ). And maybe another University cause I'm not sure if MCC needs my scores.
I know Purdue will be alot of money, even NAU and ASU will be alot, so I'm going to start going to my couselor once a week to look at possible scholarships and I'm going to be working on them this summer too. I know Purdue is a long shot, but I've always dreamed of going to an out-of-state college.. but NAU is definitely my next choice, maybe even my first.
My only problem now is choosing a major, I would prefer knowing what I want to major in before I'm out of high school. But we'll see what happens. Right now I'm thinking about either Psychology, Journalism, or even Interior Design...? My cousin Scott is going to NAU right now for Psychology so I am going to talk to him alot about that and I'm going to take Psychology for a semester next year to see if its really what I want to do. I'm also going to take the AZVAB (I think thats what its called... that definitely could be wrong though) next year because it will help alot to tell me some things that would interest me for sure. And I've been doing a test online to kind of show me things that should interest me. Some are definitely not me (funeral director was a choice... I mean really..?), but some sound very possible.

Anyways, thats enough about college.. its just been something on my mind lately. Haha, well last time I wrote I hadn't been back to school yet. So I guess I'll start there.

School has been great so far. I love all my classes, I have basically the same ones but a little rearranged. First is math, and I've done all my homework so far.. I'm improving. :) Then I have science with my brother, which is actually fun. I'm able to help him out if he needs it. And he even bought me a muffin last week which was nice of him. Haha, then I have english and I sit right behind Brittany which just makes it all the more better. We've been doing alot of essays lately, but its not too bad. I think all of mine have been great so far. Then is seminary and its definitely not as good as last semester, but thats okay. And I have that class with Ken too, but he sits a row away so we don't talk. After lunch is Honor Choir and I absolutely love all of our songs so far. We sang at a MLK day thing yesterday and that was awesome. Last is Yearbook, most of the fun people left and we don't have too many new people, but its still semi fun. Just not as good as last semester.

So I've been spending alot of time with my friends, which isn't unusual actually. But I've been having alot of fun. I still don't have texting til next month though, which is difficult, but I'm surviving. Oh, and I got a debit card on Wednesday and applied for a job at Fry's yesterday. I really hope I get the job, especially since I have connections.. cause it'd be nice to have money for once.

Ken is in Washington D.C. until Wednesday or Thursday I think, and I hope he has as much fun as I had when I was there. His flight took forever. He left Saturday morning at 4:30 am for the airport and called to say he landed at almost 2:00 pm Arizona time! So about 4:00 pm there. He gets to go to the inaguration and I hope he gets alot of pictures, I would love to see those. I'm sure he'll have a great time, its an awesome experience.

Well I think thats pretty much it for now... I just need to figure out how to put pictures up IN my posts. ;)

School Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the first day of second semester. I have the same classes, but a few of the hours have changed. I guess I'm pretty excited, there are some people I haven't seen in a while. But for the most part I really don't want to go back. I'm not used to waking up so early, at all... and I mostly saw my friends I really care about over the break, but its not something I can get away from so there is really no point worrying about it.

Well today was not really the best day ever. Since its the new year we started a new time schedule at church and we now have to go at 9 o'clock rather than 1 o'clock. So no more sleeping in on Sundays for me and no more getting ready; it takes too much time.
Another rather sad point to my day was just a few minutes ago: my parents are taking away my texting. I aquired an overall "C" in my Algebra 2 class. I admit, I should have done my homework more, but I really did try and got a 97% on the semester final. I find it very unfair, but I can't really change their minds. I have no idea how I am now going to be talking to some people, which really sucks, but I guess I'll figure something out.

Anyways thats all I really have for today, I'll try to remember to keep up with my posts... we'll see how that goes. ;)